ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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