just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
