I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
