part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
