So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
