The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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