we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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