U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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