I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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