I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
