So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
