How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
