i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
