glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
