I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
