Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
