I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
its liver damage thursday
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
