it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
