Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
