so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
