babies were throwing up all over the place
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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