I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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