Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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