And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
