I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
