if i can run in heels then i can drive
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
