that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
