just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
