He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
