There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
