I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
