that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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