He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
