Got a toothbrush?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
