Just cropdusted the office
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
