Plan B is the new Plan A
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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