Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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