Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
