The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
