Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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