best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
