We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
