Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
