why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
