Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
