That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
