What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
