I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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