she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
