fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
