Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
